THE BACHELOR

A recent television hit show is, THE
BACHELOR. The reason this show is such a hit is because every woman
dreams of finding their Mr. Right. Well, almost everyone. And this show is the
perfect way to vicariously live out this fantasy by watching someone else’s
opportunity to actually live out their search for Mr. Right. This show has two
versions—The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. The Bachelor gives one lucky man
the opportunity to find the woman of his dreams, out of about twenty-five
women, by interacting with them, going on dream dates and eliminating
contestants weekly over a six week span of time. It is a reality show, so it
sometimes strays a bit overboard with the extreme drama situations between the
women, but of course conflict is what keeps all the television viewers coming
back week after week. The goal of the show is to have the Bachelor propose to
one of the final two women. As viewers we always have our favorite picked out.
Tabloid’s and gossip magazine’s goals are to stir up as much trouble as
possible in the final weeks, by printing scandalous articles and plastering the
Bachelor and the final women contestants on the covers of their publications.
The odds of these marriage proposals ending in actual weddings are quite slim,
but a few have made it. The ones who make it to the altar give all the rest of
us hope that dreams can come true. So dream on!

ONCE A YEAR

As responsible adults we are to submit our
bodies to a yearly exam. Probably most people don’t. And the reason they don’t
can range from money to no medical insurance to fear of what may be found to
just plain fear of doctors. Generally, women go in more often because they need
birth control pill prescriptions refilled and unless you go in for your yearly
exam, there will be no refills. The exam itself is an invasion of all the
insecurities a woman has ever had about her body. There just isn’t any way to take
samples for the dreaded PAP smear without inflicting some degree of pain. And
then there is the dreaded mammogram, that all women hate. To get the best x-ray
pictures, you must endure this painful process yearly after age forty. Let’s
not forget the blood samples taken with long needles that make you cringe just
to look at them. Even having your blood pressure taken can hurt a little, but
then isn’t that what this appointment is all about—PAIN? These days, test
results take only a few days. Most of us tend to not think about it and assume
everything will be alright, but yet we all breathe a sigh of relief when the
results are favorable. The doctor only calls if it is bad news, so when the
doctor leaves a message for you to call him back, the panic sets in. When
doctors call at the end of the day and are out of the office the next day, the
panic grows to the point that dying from breast cancer or cervical cancer
becomes a high possibility of the near future. And it would definitely be a
bleak future. It becomes time to take a good look at cemetery plots and all
that goes with them. Three days later, a call from the doctor reveals the bad
news. It was the thyroid blood test that was abnormal which raised a few
questions, requiring another test. This was supposedly good news. Not dying
yet, anyway. Just more tests, more pain, more waiting and more uncertainty.

Ultimately, in the end, every day we are still
alive is a good day!

THE WEDDING

Weddings are a wonderful special day in a
person’s life.   As we get older, it seems we attend fewer. 
Recently my sister’s youngest son took the big step and got
married.   These days many young couples pay for their own weddings
instead of the parents, which usually results in smaller more quaint
weddings.  This wedding was attended by the bride and groom’s families and
a few close friends.  The bride was radiant in her wedding dress and the
groom was handsome in his tuxedo.  The reception was held at DeGidios in downtown St. Paul.  The restaurant was established in
the 1930’s and is still family owned.  Back in the day, the original
owners moved in the infamous St. Paul Gangster circles.   It still
remains in the old supper club style of the 1950’s.  The restaurant’s menu
consisted of old style Italian food and the wedding reception meal included
spaghetti, meatballs, sausage, salad and garlic bread, served buffet
style.  The food was impressive and I may have to go back there again
sometime. And of course, there was a beautiful and delicious wedding cake from
Byerly's.  A DJ provided dance music and was hugely successful in filling
the dance floor with a dance called the Snowball.  For this dance,
everyone on the dance floor had to find a new dance partner, so after doing
this multiple times; the dance floor was full and the chairs at the tables
empty.  We talked, we ate, we danced, we laughed and all in all it was a
day to be remembered!

LAWSUIT DEPOSITION

For most people, they tend to be totally
unfamiliar with the legal world, myself included.  Oh we know the common
laws, but when it comes to lawsuits and courtrooms, we know very little. 
After being hit by an inattentive driver, while I was stopped to make a turn,
the battle began.  I don’t think we, as law abiding citizens trying to do
the right thing, have any idea how many other people refuse to obey the
rules.  Probably we think this because we assume the best about
everyone.  Unfortunately when people don’t have insurance or a driver’s
license, it makes the whole accident process much more involved.  If you
have ever been in an accident, you know that the day after the accident, you
feel like you were literally run over by a truck.  Every muscle in your
body aches.  Relief is hard to come by, even with all the wonderful
medical discoveries of today.  There are always the usual pain medications
to ease the pain, chiropractors to put everything back in place, massage
therapists to loosen the tight and sore muscles, and physical therapists to get
us to use those sore and aching body parts.    These things all
help to some extent, but they never manage to take it all away or bring your
body back to where it was before the accident.   So the only
alternative is a lawsuit to hopefully provide money to buy some extent of pain
relief.   It seems everything the courts and lawyers do take
forever—months and years to be more specific.  Basically courts seem
rather scary to most people in the general public, probably because we don’t
have much experience interacting with them.   We are afraid we will
say the wrong thing from sheer lack of experience in knowing what not to say
and what to say.  This results in a deposition being a stressful
situation.  Finally, almost two years later, I sat at a deposition with
two lawyers, a court reporter and the insurance company’s representative to answer
questions about the last two years along with prior incidences they deemed
important.  These days it can be difficult to remember what we did just
last week, much less two or more years ago, but I did my best and answered to
the best of my knowledge.  Now the lawyers will dissect the answers to
prepare their cases, each trying to win the lawsuit for their clients. 

 And so
the waiting begins, again.

EVERY PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE

Life is so very fragile.  You can be here
today and gone tomorrow.  We are all so busy living our lives to the
fullest, taking on way to many obligations than we probably should. 
Finding balance for work and play and family has become increasingly
difficult.  Even with family members, we try to spend time with our
parents, our siblings, our children and our spouses or significant
others.  But sadly there is only so much time every day and we can only be
in one place at a time.  If only the times were different and we could all
have super powers so we could be with them all at the same time.  Life has
a certain order and we all assume our lives will happen in that
order.  Today, most people probably assume they will live to be about
eighty years old.  We think we have lots of time, but unfortunately we
should all live everyday as if it was our last and with no regrets.  As
couples we are told to never go to bed angry and as time goes on I realize how
true that is.  It just isn't worth it to spend our time fighting or being
angry with anyone we love or anyone who is a part of our lives.  The
tragic loss of my eighteen year old nephew has made me take a closer look at
life.  We expect the first funerals we will attend will be for our parents
not our children.  My sister has just experienced every parent's worst
nightmare of losing her child.  I want to live my life with no
regrets.  I want my loved ones to know how much I love them.  I want
to make my dreams come true today.  I want to live to be at least eighty
but now realize I might not.  The reality has set in that any of us can be
gone tomorrow.

ONE MORE TIME

In today's world, people don't stay in one
place for very long.  My sister lived in the Chicago area for 16 years
before making the long awaited move to Florida after her youngest son, Danton,
graduated from High School last May.  So the right thing to do in this
circumstance was to have a second memorial service in Crystal Lake where
Danton had spent practically his whole life.  This was where all
his lifelong friends lived.  So only a few days after I finally got back
to Minnesota, after being gone for over three weeks, I packed for another
trip.  Only for this one, it was a road trip.  I drove my parents to
Chicago so they could attend their grandson's memorial service. It was a small
church and the pastor guessed there were over 300 people at the service. 
The pews held 180 people and they were full, chairs lined the aisles on both
sides, the balcony was full, the entry way was filled and a large room off the
sanctuary was filled with people watching the service on the television
they'd set up.  The family sat in the front row as the pastor related
events of Danton's life.  I don't think there was a dry eye in the
whole church.  Even grown men were wiping tears away.  I think the
reality of it all hit when I found myself asking the question, "What if it
was one of my children?"  It was then the uncontrollable sobbing
started and didn't stop.

VALENTINE'S DAY 2011

Three days later, I arrived in warm and sunny
Naples with a suitcase full of winter clothes.  Although I would never complain
about needing to shop for a few summer items.  Jet setting around the
country from city to city is one thing, but leaving my newborn
granddaughter to attend a funeral, at least fifty years
premature, is another thing all together. I entered a house overflowing
with love, where now family and friends smiled one minute
and broke down crying the next.  There were precious moments of laughter
when fond memories of Danton were retold while we sat in the hot tub. A hot
tub where Danton sat only days ago.  Then there were other
moments filled with anger and resentment towards this unfortunate and untimely
accident that stole Danton away, long before his time.  Why is it that
when you are feeling sad and disheartened and would readily welcome a gloomy
rainy day, the sun insists on shining brightly day after day after day? 
The funeral was on Valentine's Day. Yes, Valentine's Day.  I don't think
I will ever spend another Valentine's Day without remembering this particular
one filled with great sadness.  The Lutheran Church was filled with
over a hundred friends and family members.  Danton was cremated, so there
wasn't a body to view, just a beautifully decorated urn portraying a
golfer.  It wasn't until the video of Danton's life started that the women
cried uncontrollably and even men could be seen wiping away a tear or
two.  Thank heavens for Kleenex!  After the funeral and a light
luncheon served by the church, we arrived back at their house.  An odd
sense of serenity could be seen in Danton's mother, Sonja, and Danton's
girlfriend, Kelly, when the urn was set on the table.  At least now they
knew where he was. This was the first funeral I have attended for a young
person and I guess I never thought about what happens after the
funeral.  Unfortunately, life goes on whether you want it to or not. 
You can't help unintentionally waiting for that person to still walk in the door
or for a call that will never come.  All you can do is remember this
person and continue to keep them alive in your memories by talking about those
shared happy moments.  You must go on with the normal everyday things. So
since it was Valentine's Day, the twelve of us dined at Danton's favorite
local Italian restaurant and the women all left with a long stemmed red rose.

JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Three days after Baby Teagan was born and one
Z-Pak (antibiotics for a sinus infection) later, new mother and baby came home.
After going through at least one box of Kleenex, two days with Roxy and Lola,
Bernese Mountain dogs, and the second snowstorm, it was a welcome change. 
Let me just say for the record that I am not a dog lover, but the three of us
survived.  What should've been a momentous and unforgettable day, ended up
being one but for a totally different reason.  After receiving three
phone calls minutes apart, that went unanswered because I was holding the
new baby; I decided to check my voicemail.  My mother left an urgent
message for me to return her call.  The other calls were from my brother
and my sister.  My first thought was that my father had a heart attack, so
I returned the call immediately. My cell phone service kept cutting
out, but on the third try it finally stayed connected.  My mother,
unsure if the call would be dropped again, blurted out quickly,
"Danton is dead!"  I think I stopped breathing for a
minute.  She went on, "He was in a car accident."  I
took the positive stance and said, "You mean he's in the
hospital."  I was sure she was just assuming the worst. 
Her response was, "No, he's dead."  After listening to
the few details she had been given, I called my brother who confirmed
it.  I then made the dreaded phone call to my sister to have her
confirmation that yes; her 18 year old son was killed in a car accident a few
hours earlier.  I just can't believe it kept
going through my head even though I knew it was true.  It truly is a day I
will never forget.

FINALLY DID IT

 I have wanted to start a blog for the last two
years.  So why haven't I?  To be perfectly honest, I didn't know how
and it seemed terribly scary.  The other reason is that if I didn't even
attempt it, I couldn't possibly do it wrong.  I did it finally, but I'm
not sure if I did it right.  Unfortunately the motivation to finally make
the attempt was prompted by February's emotional roller coaster. I had been
eagerly contemplating the birth of my new granddaughter, which in itself should
be a very happy occasion.  She was stubborn, which I'm sure doesn't run in
our family at all, and was finally forced from her warm cozy haven 11 days
after the due date. Teagan was born on February 7, 2011 and was 7 lbs 5
oz, 19 1/2  inches long and had dark hair.  Did I mention
that my daughters live in Oklahoma?  I can't even count the number of
times they call me to brag about how warm it is down there and how I should
really move there.   Let me just say that it never fails that each
time I visit they are having an unexpected cold spell or a tornado.  This
time I managed to hit two major snowstorms of 6 plus inches.  Now in
Minnesota, that is not a problem at all, but in Oklahoma it is a major problem
when you only have about 10 snowplows for the whole city and its suburbs. 
They actually close down the whole city for 2-3 days.   It's
absolutely unbelievable.  They did plow the major roads, but then
virtually sat back and waited for the snow to melt.  Of course in
Minnesota that would take a long time.